TO GET TO YOU - ( 9/11 )

[octavialao]

Title: To Get To You
Author: Power Ranger Red Sho Nut octavialao

Pairings: Sakumoto

Genre: Angst, Romance
Length: Multi-chaptered

Summary: Jun left Sho. He can't blame him though. It was all his fault. But he wants to see him again to get him back.

A/N: This chapter was suppose to be out yesterday. but I was tooooooo lazy to update. And good thing I didn't cause there were more ideas that came to my mind today. So to compensate, this chapter is a loooooong one. So I hope you enjoying reading!!! :D





I’m sitting here alone in the living room sofa. Listening to Mozart’s compositions. Music seems like it’s the only thing that soothes my anxiety now a days. Everything feels weird. Being in a huge house with white interior walls, hard wood floor, 6 bedrooms, mismatched colored furnitures, a theather size television, kitchen full of high-tech stuff, a gigantic pool at the back, everything is in its place like the last time. But now it’s bigger and wider. I am used to living in luxury. I still couldn’t believe what Ohno has done for this to work out. I throw my head backward and tried to drown myself to the music.

A few moments, I was woken up by a soft caress on my cheeks. I open my eyes slowly and saw Ohno leaning down on me and staring at me, lovingly, his right hand still on my cheeks. He smiled and I had the duty to smile back at him. I looked through the window. It was already dark outside.
I tried to stand up but he placed both of his hands to my shoulders to tell me not to get up. He instead placed himself beside on the sofa and curled his hands on my waist.

“Tadaima.” He whispered in my ears, no it was like he was breathing the words and I felt shy and awkward.

“Okaeri Oh- er.. Satoshi!” I smiled. I tried to stop my mouth from twitching. Somehow it’s awkward being with Ohno this close.

“Tadaima.” And he snuggled his face in my neck. I almost jumped on the contact. I’m not used to this affectionate Ohno.

“So, how’s your day?”

“Tiring, had a location shoot. T’was cold outside. Brrr!” I chuckled as he did a forced shiver. I reluctantly place my arm around him.

“Are you hungry?” He then looked up and eyed me suspiciously.

“Don’t worry, I ordered pizza.” And we both laugh.

“Yea, maybe later. I just want to cuddle.”

“hmm. Okay.”

“how about you Sho-chan? How’s your day?”

“oh the usual. I’m having a migraine. You know I’m not used to being locked up in the house all day.”

“Just bear it for a little longer. Just enough for you bruises to heal.”

“Yea, okay.” I know I cannot win against him. Or to everyone. Even the agency ordered me to rest. There was another awkward silence.

“Still uncomfortable?”

“I’m just you know, I’m not used to this kind os things.” I wave my hands as a gesture to point out the whole house.

“But, you live in a bigger house before. This is nothing compared to your parents house.”

“well yea. Okay, I’m used to all the luxury. But Satoshi, you buying this big house just because I’m going to live in it? This isn’t like you. You don’t spend your money out on whim. Let alone to buy an actual house this big. You lived in a small and cheap apartment for 8 years, it was okay.” We stared at each other for a moment. Then Ohno shakes his head.

“I didn't bought this house Sho.”
“Huh?”

“Remember when I said before that I wanted to build my own house?”

I remember the times he keeps on blabbing about wanting to build his house, with his own hand. He even spoke of it once during our shoot for Aozora Pedal pv. I look at him and nod.

“The days when you guys thought I’d be fishing on the sea, actually, some of those days are dedicated only for the construction of this house.” He looks up to the ceiling, down to the walls and to the floor. There was a satisfied smile on his face.

“So, this is the house you built yourself?”

“Yes, the house I dreamt of building. The house I dreamt of sharing with you.” Then he beams at me. And emits a hearty chuckle and embraced me. I feel loved but at the same time guilt invades my heart. I never knew, never noticed.

“Sho, to be living in this house with you has made my dream come true. Thank you. I love you.”

All I can do is is wrap my arms around him too. I can’t bear the heavy load in my heart. It tears me hearing those words. I don’t deserve him, no, Ohno doesn’t deserve me. I know, deep down that this is just my way of running away. I held him tigther. In my head I told him. “Sorry Satoshi, I’m very sorry.”
Tears fell without a warning. I am torn apart. Guilt, pain and sadness are here to stay with me. I’m a coward. I buried my head on Ohno’s neck. His shirt is soaked with my tears. He pats my back and shushed me.

“Shh.. Sho don’t cry.” He tears away from my embrace and stared at me. He then wiped my tears and smiles.

“You’re cute when you cry. Your nose is as red as a tomato. Anyone could have mistaken you as Rudolph.” We both chuckled. Leave it up to Ohno to lighten the mood. He always knew what to do or say. He kissed my forehead leaned his to mine.

“Let’s sleep. It’s late.” I nod and we both got up. He snaked his arm to my waist as we ascend to the stairs. As we walked to the room he pulled to him and hugged me once again then he whispered to my ear.

“Any chance that you might sleep in my room tonight?”

I thought about it. It’s been a week but never did I sleep with Ohno, not even once. I have my separate room which he prepared when I came in. I was grateful for his concern. I know that he knows I’m not ready for it. I still can’t be with the same room as Ohno. I can’t even sleep on my own for , every time I close my eyes, visions of Jun invaded my sleep. And tonight is no different. When I was about declined he said softly.

“It’s okay. Soon, maybe? I’m not rushing you Sho. “He pulls away arms on my shoulders and looks at me and smiles sweetly.

“Oyasumi.” He caresses my cheeks lovingly again and turned to walk to his room. I stared at his back, tears flowing again. Then I open the door and welcome my nightmares.

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Ohno left early this morning. Again I was left in this big, lonely house. For the first time I didn’t plan anything on my day-off. I didn’t feel like going out. And for once I want to be at home, alone. I was sipping my coffee when my phone ringed. I glance at the screen to see who was calling. I smiled as I saw the name.

“Oooohaaayoooou Sho-chan! I miss you!” Aiba’s cheerful voice brought a smile to my face. I miss him too, though we saw each other last week. And his sweet voice made his day wonderful. As expected from Arashi’s sunshine boy.

“Ohayou Aiba-kun. I miss you too.”

“Sho-chan, are you at home?”

“Yes, I am.”
“Good!! Then open the front door! It’s hot outside!”

“Huh?” I dashed through the front porch to see Aiba grinning and Nino waving one hand and then looks down at his game in his hand. I let them in and Aiba was inspecting every corner of the house. Nino glances a few times but goes back to his game.

“WOW! Riida really went overboard. This house is huge!” Aiba’s eyes widen and obviously awed with their home. Nino showed himself to the couch and sat there still glued to his game. Aiba rushed to Nino’s side and tugging Nino’s shirt.

“Kazu~ I want a house like this! Let’s buy a house this big!”

“Baka! It’s expensive.”

“But Kazu-chan! Are you that stingy? I want a house like this! It’s big enough to raise children. Oh! And animals too!” Aiba chants cheerfully and he was smiling his big smile. And Nino just sighed.

‘‘How are we going to have children Aiba-shi? We’re both guys. Well, we can adopt, but buying a big house isn’t practical. We’re going to think about their future too.”

“Nino!” Aiba hugged Nino with tears in the corner of his eyes.

“Maa.. Maa.. Let’s think about that carefully, okay?” and Aiba kissed him and buried his face on Nino’s chest and nods in agreement. Nino pats his head and kissed his hair.

I chuckled lightly and smiled. I was sitting across them, seeing Aiba and Nino happy makes me happy too. But there’s a bit of jealousy mixed in the bliss. I wonder if Jun and I will be like this again. I mentally scold myself. I’m not supposed to think about him anymore. Let alone to hope that we will be together again. I will never be the reason why his child will grow without a father. Never.

“You love birds want to eat something?”

“Don’t tell me your going to cook?” Nino shakes his head. Aiba looked up at Sho.

“I can cook for us! I brought some ingredients!”

“Let me guess, you’re going to cook Mabo Tufo?” I said in between chuckles. Aiba pouts and turns to Nino.

“Kazu loves to eat it! Ne? Kazu-chan? you love my Mabo Tofu right?” his eyes search for Nino’s. But Nino only groans.

“Aiba-shi. We eat Mabo Tofu every day. Can you cook something else?” This time Nino pouts. And all I can do is chuckle.

“hmmp! If you don’t want my Mabo Tofu then you can ask Jun to cook pasta for you!” He said loudly then froze as he realized that I am in the same room with them. Nino hit Aiba in the head and the older man just whimper.

“Yea, I bet we can eat a decent food if he’s here!” I laughed. I forced a laugh. Aiba and Nino could tell that I’m uncomfortable.

“By the way, how’s Jun? His legs?” I could see Aiba hesitates to answer.

“He’s okay. He’s getting better. The doctors already performed a surgery on him right after you were discharged from the hospital. Stephanie wanted to do it immediately. It’s all up to J now, to know if the surgery is a success. Time and Physical Therapy, is all he needs right now. And he’s been doing it for almost a month now. Don’t worry about him too much. You know how he is, he’ll be up and running in no time.” Nino convinced him and Aiba was nodding in agreement.

“I just want to know. I never saw him again after the accident. It’s a month already. Never heard anything about him. I was reluctant to ask Oh-chan about him.” I said honestly.

“Still not working good for the both of you?” Now it’s Nino’s turn to ask.

“Jun?”

“No, Oh-chan. Do you still feel awkward?” he looked me straight in the eyes. With Nino, gazing at you like that, you have to tell the truth. Otherwise he’ll know whether you’re lying of not.

“Its, a working process I guess. I don’t feel that awkward anymore when we’re cuddling. I feel comfortable now.”

“But, still not on SLEEP-IN-THE-SAME-ROOM level yet?”

“Well that’s different Nino. Sleep with him is too intimate. And honestly, I still have dreams bout Jun.”

“Therefore you don’t want to sleep with him because you’re afraid that he might hear you talk when you dream about J? or afraid that when you sleep with him you won’t have the same dreams again or should I say, you won’t dream about Jun ever again?” he leaned forward looking at me, and I just stared at him too. Blinking many times just to absorb everything he said. Aiba was looking at us back and forth. The bratt is smart. As always, he can read someone as easy as flippin channels on television. The silence served as my answer to him. He shook his head and leaned back on the couch.

“You did said to Oh-chan that you’d try Sho-chan. Atleast do TRY to forget about Jun.”

“Sho-chan. It’s okay. Riida can wait. He’s patient and he loves you so much.” Aiba almost sob.

“I know, but I know that somehow, I’m just hurting Ohno. I, I just can’t help it. Ohno did things for me, to let me know and feel that he loves me. But, I just can’t, I, I just love Jun so much. I want to forget him. But I can’t, he is always in my dreams. And every little thing reminds me of him.” I laughed. “I’m pathetic right?”

“If you don’t want to hurt Oh-chan anymore, would it be a good idea to leave him now? When he still isn’t hoping that you’ll love him back?” Nino said firmly. Aiba wrapped his hands on Nino’s and looked at me apologetically, as if he too thought that it was the right thing to do.

“But, but I can’t do that to him.”

“Can’t do what to him? Hurt him? You’ve been doing that ever since Sho. And now you’re afraid to hurt him again?” Nino, was serious. There was no more “Sho-chan” just “Sho” and I know he was dead serious with his address and his tone and voice.

I felt embarrassed and put my head down. My finger fidgets the ring on my left ring finger. I know he’s right, but the truth is, I need Ohno to distract me. Cause when I leave this house, I’m sure I’ll be back to where I was before. Dying.

My guilt is the only thing that is keeping me alive. The guilt for hurting Jun, and especially Ohno made me continue living with him. And not wanting to hurt him again forced my being to serve and be with him. It’s so selfish of me to use him, and what a hypocrite I am. Nino is right. I’m afraid to hurt him again, but the truth is, I’m still hurting him. I’m living with him, but I still am hurting him.
Aiba broke the silence as he knew that Nino will put off an argument once I open my mouth. And I know he sensed that I am near to tears.

“Maa.. Maa.. I’m hungry. Let’s cook Mabo Tofu now Kazu-chan!” he stood up and drag Nino and me to the bathroom.

“oooops!!! Wrong door! Where’s the Kitchen Sho-chan?” Aiba looked at me embarrassed. I couldn’t stop myself from laughing. And Nino chuckled and wrapped his arms to Aiba’s waist.

“I thought we’re going to bless Oh-chan and Sho-chan’s bathroom.” Aiba gulped and turned red. I laughed loudly. Aiba is an airhead, but I love that side of him so much. I brushed away the tears in my eyes. I’m glad Aiba is here to lessen the tension.

“You two are not going to do anything in this house except cooking, eating and drinking. Save the love making at your house. Not mine.”

And all three of us burst into laughter. We cooked, and dined, drink a little. When Ohno arrived he was surprised to see the two. He then joined us and we had a great time. Nino dragged a drunk Aiba who was teasing Nino, and telling him that he would like a Nino dessert which translated that Aiba is going to make love with Nino. Ohno and I were on the porch as we watched Nino’s car drive out the gate. I waved my last as the gate slowly closed. Ohno then hugged me from behind, his head on my neck. I could feel his lips on my skin. And I placed my hand on his.

“I miss you. I love being with them. But I wanted to cuddle with you when I came home.” He breathes the words. He was tipsy. But so am I.

“well we can still cuddle in the living room. It’s still early.”

“No.”

“Hmmm?”

“Can you sleep with me tonight?”
I froze solid on the spot where we are. He’s been asking me almost every night. But every night I decline. I remember what Nino said earlier. And I knew what to say. Maybe if I took a step towards Ohno, maybe, just
maybe, I’ll be able to forget about Jun.

“Hmm.. okay.”

He jerks up. Leaving my neck he turned me till I am facing him. His eyes are wide with surprise. He opened his mouth then closed it, opened it again and closed. His brow furrowed. He’s thinking I thought. Then as if he recovered from the shock he said.

‘‘Are you sure?”

“Yes.” I said softly. It was almost a whisper. Then I saw his expression changed. There was pure happiness in his eyes as tears pooled, threatening to fall. He hugged me once again. And I knew I did the right thing. I took a step forward. And I knew he was happy.

“Thank you. Thank you.”

I chuckled. And pushed him away and broke the contact. I looked at him and chuckled some more. He looks adorable, like a child crying in happiness.

“Your welcome, but I think we need to shower first. We stink of beer.”
His eyes lighten. As if he was thinking about something. An idea forming in his head.

“Don’t push your luck Ohno Satoshi. I said I will try right? And I am. But we’re not on the showering-together level yet. But soon, I promise.” I said and hoped at the same time. He shook his head and smiled.

‘’I can wait.”

We went inside the house. He helped me cleaned the living room and washed the dishes. Then I went inside my room straight to the bathroom. I took a quick shower. After, I changed into a plain white shirt and my pajama pants. I stood in front of the mirror. I watch myself, and my mind went lie crazy thinking about what would happen in a couple of minutes. I was nervous. It’s not like I haven’t shared a bed with anyone. There were a countless of girls, I admit but I have only shared a bed with one man. And that man who I happened to love dearly. I mentally slapped myself and told myself to get a grip. We’re just going to sleep in the same room, and on the same bed. That’s all. No need to mentally stressed myself. I run my hands through my wet hair. Grabbed one pillow and went out. My feet dragged me to Ohno’s door. I knocked twice.

“Come in!” I heard him say.

I opened the door while I my head is facing floor. When I looked up I saw him toweling his wet hair. My mouth hanged open when I saw that he was half naked. Only a towel, wrapped in his hips is the only thing that is covering him.

I was more nervous than I was before I went in his room. A naked Ohno doesn’t bother me before. We took showers together in concerts and in the green room. But the half naked Ohno now is giving me goosebumps. Ohno grins and walked towards me. I almost let out a whimper when he was within an arms length.

“Sho-chan. Please close your mouth. You look like a fish out of water.” He chuckled. He cupped my chin and closed my mouth.

“ahh.. thanks?” he chuckled again this time a little louder. And walked towards the bed and sat down.

“You’re just adorable Sho-chan! Come!” he pats the spot beside him and I hesitated. This is beyond awkward.

“Okay.” I walked forward till I am standing in front of him. I sat beside him and clutched my pillow tightly.

“Your hair is still dripping.” He runs his fingers in my hair. He clutched the towel he used a while ago to dry his hair. He gestured it to me to tell me that he would like to hair my hair with it. I nod.

“lean your head a little Sho-chan.”
And I did. He then proceeds into drying my hair. I feel like a 5 year old kid, and Ohno feels like my mom. But I like the feeling. It feels good. Many times Jun tried and asked me to let him dry my hair, or prepare my bath, or bring me breakfast in bed. But I never let him. I was now regretting it.

“All done. And you smell good.”

“Thank you.” I smiled. He threw the towel near a chair. He took a brush in the bed side table and turned to me and smiled.

“Let me brush your hair too.” I nod to give him a go signal.

“Can you lie beside me with your head on my lap?” There was a debate in my brain. And I did. I lie down on my side. So I was facing away from him, and he stroked my hair first then brushed it.

When I thought that he’s done. I shifted and turned to face him. But suddenly he leaned down and his lips were on mine. I was still frozen in shock that I didn’t notice that my mouth was hanging open. And without a warning Ohno kissed me passionately and his tongue invaded my mouth. My muscles contracts and I had the strong urge to push him away. But then the Logical part of my brain says this is right. But my heart feels and screams that this is wrong so wrong. But I listened to the logical part of me. And let him devour my mouth. Ohno’s hands are on my nape to hold me and I lift my head and the upper part of my torso, my arms supporting my weight. We kissed and broke it when we were both out of breathe and panting.

Ohno stood up and placed the pillow I was clutching awhile ago to my head and pushed me to lie on it. As I did, he climbed on top of mehis legs on the side of my hips. He once again claimed my lips and I hear his moan inside my mouth. He was now straddling me and I can feel him and I know that he really wants me. I closed my eyes and tried to concentrate. His hands now trailed my neck down to my stomach. And I feel him tugged my shirt up to my shoulders. My mind was cloudy, unable to think. I let go and placed my arms to his shoulders and hands on his nape.

HE broke the kiss once again and whispered to my ear.

“I love you Sho.”
I opened my eyes and Ohno kissed my lips again and went down to my neck. He was biting my collar when I pushed him away. There were tears in my eyes. And Ohno was surprised with he looked at me, his head titled and with a questioning look.

“I’m.. I’m .. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry Satoshi. I.. I just can’t.. I..” And I cried. I hugged my knees and buried my face on it. Ohno was still there, unmoving. Silence was all around. A minute has pass when I feel him move. He stood up and went to the bathroom. I was still crying, when he came out. He was now fully dressed. A white V-neck shirt like mine, and some sweat pants.

He came close to me and sat beside me. His back on the head board of the bed. He placed his hands on my back and starts to move in a circular motion. He was comforting me. He always does when I’m upset or crying.

“Come here.” He sat up and embraced me. I was on his chest as he leaned back to the headboard again.

“Sssshh. I’m sorry. I went too far. I know you’re not ready yet. You just agreed to sleep with me but I pushed the boundaries. I’m sorry okay?” He kissed my hair and messed it. I kept on crying hugging him I reply to let him know that it’s okay.

“Sleep now, okay? And stop crying. The stylist will be angry if you show up tomorrow with puffy eyes. Though I think you look adorable with puffy eyes. You look like a stuff bear.” He chuckled. I nod. And I wiped my tears away. He hummed a song, it’s one of his songs that I like. Shizuka na yoru ni. I really like that song.
He hummed almost a total of 4 songs. I pretended to close my eyes and looked like I’m asleep. I then felt him move and carefully placed my head on the pillow. He stood up and I heard the door creaked open then closed.

He never went back to the room. The clock ticks and it’s already 5 am. I know because I didn’t sleep. I couldn’t. I feel the tremendous guilt. I tried to move forward but I can’t I know he’s hurt with what happened last night. I couldn’t tell him I pushed him away. I couldn’t. It was better to cry. I couldn’t tell him.

My heart feels like it’s been torn apart. Why? Why? Why is it when Ohno was touching me, kissing me, when he told me he loves me, All I saw was Jun’s face? His voice was all I hear, not Ohno’s. It was his skin and warmth I feel not Ohno’s. I feel so broken. And all I can do is cry.

I fell asleep for about an hour. It was my phone who woke me up from my brief slumber. I felt weak. I stood up and picked my phone up. Before I could check who texted me, I remember Ohno. I went out the room with my phone in hand. I looked for him all around the house. But I didn’t saw him. There were quite a few cigarette butts on the ashtray on living room table. I saw a few cans of beer on the kitchen sink. I noticed a note on the fridge. And read it.

“I left early today. I prepared breakfast, it’s on the microwave.
Heat it and eat it okay?
Love you.”

I sighed. I was now sure that Ohno must be upset and hurting. I feel bad about it. I put down my phone on the table and I went on and reheat the food Ohno made. I made coffee while waiting for the timer to go off. While sipping my coffee my phone rings again. I picked it up and read it. After I read it, I stood up and went upstairs to change. I didn’t ate my breakfast. I have to go as fast as I can.
When I climbed up my car I had a hard time putting on my seatbelt. My hands are shaking. I checked my phone again. I read the message, trying to calm my nerves and trying to convince myself that the text is real. I read it a few times more. No doubt, it’s his number. I already memorized the content of the text.

Sho, can I see you today?
It’s important. And I really want to see you.
Meet me at the train station when we had our firt trip together.
-Jun